Posted on 6-3-2002
Axis
of Evil - Competition Winners
(Photo shows founding member of AoE, Rasputin)
Beijing: Reuters 14.00 15 Feb 2002 -- Bitter after being snubbed
for
membership in George W Bush's so called "Axis of Evil," Libya,
China, and
Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil,"
which
they said would be way eviler than "that impotent Iran-Iraq-North
Korea
axis President Bush warned of" in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new
"Axis of Just
As Evil" as having an inane name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...
in their
dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody
knows we're
the best at being evil... we're the best and there is nothing
that the
'Just as Evils' can do about that!."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although
they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told
us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An
'Axis' can't
have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam
Hussein.
"This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had
Germany,
Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three".
"You also
need a secret handshake and ours is pretty good." he added.
Axis Pandemic Panic
Independent World News Network
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was
swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate
status in what
became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia
said they had
formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join
with Uganda and
Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and
Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just
Generally
Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up,
Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the
"Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked
to Host
the Olympics", while Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the
"Axis of
Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty
Thoughts About
America".
Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the "Axis of Countries
That Be
Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat,
really, just
something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister
Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps
making
fun of him, a cautious George Bush granted approval for most
of the new
axies, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of
Countries
Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing
a false
application Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Fijiguay denied
the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axies,
but
privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked
them.
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